The Elements of Love

The Elements of Love Understanding the elements of love allows us to have better relationships. Whether it is your partner, a friend, a client or even a character in a book, they all have their own element or season of love. Each of them because of this inbuilt genetic bias can only see the world from their viewpoint. The key, firstly, to understanding your own elemental type, is that it allows you to be free and be able to see the world in all it's magnificence, not just from a single viewpoint. As a Homoeopath and writer understanding the elements allows me to fully understand how my patient or the character in my books will act in any given situation. After studying the elements or the seasons that exist within all of us I wrote down the teaching in a modern fable called "The 33rd Sage." The story itself follows the ark of the Hero's Journey while at the same time allowing the reader to better understand themselves and the people around them. In the next twelve months many of my bloggs will be about these wonderful teachings which I was given by a character I will called old Chinese. When I first heard the story of the sage and the emperor I was transfixed by the majesty of the story, but even more than that I began to understand myself. Today I would like to talk about the Elements of Love. This will be done in the form of a quote from my book where the Old Chinese Sage has taken on his female form and begins to teach about the Elements of Love. The love languages which match with each of the elemental types are called words of appreciation (Fire), Acts of Service (Air), Quality Time (Water) and Physical Touch (Earth). These names of each of the love languages are taken from his classic book, The 'Five Love Languages,' by Gary Chapman. She lent forward, her heavy jowls sagging under her words. "The heart has four chambers, one to represent each of the Elements. It is as though each of the chambers was designed to carry one of the love languages; the top two chambers being the extroverts corresponding with Fire and Earth and the two bottom ones, the introverts corresponding to Water and Air." Conway cringed, shifting uneasily on the log. He dropped his head, his eyes scanning the dirt in front of him. His shoulders drooped. He bent over and scratched the ground with a stick. His breathing became shallow, almost stopping. "If the word love scares you, I can use the word rapport.” Conway looked up, smiling weakly. He sat up, forcing a deep breath into his body, immediately lifting his shoulders. She continued, a wry smile creasing the corners of her lips. “Using the language of love brings us into a symbiotic relationship with others. Without understanding the Love Language of others, the lust soon dies and we are left with ashes, another missed opportunity. Anyone we come into contact with deserves to be heard and spoken to in their own language; this is the greatest gift of the ‘Seasons of Love.’ It is not about passion, for that is only natural when we are in rapport with one another; it is about understanding the differences and honouring them. The differences are what give us our life, and our passion. Ask anyone you meet, if they would they like to live in a world without friction. If they answer yes, I will show you a person who does not know life, but is merely going through the motions. For without friction, there would be no sex, there would be no life. "Get to know everybody's ‘Seasons of Love,’ honour the differences and exalt in the friction, for without the friction our world and our universe would not have come into being." Her passion flowed forth in her words. Conway was in the presence of Fire burning true. She spoke from her heart to his heart, using his language and he knew it, but it was not in the way of manipulation; no it was with a sense of honouring, of respecting, the differences and caring so much about them, that she changed her language so he would understand. For the first time, he understood the meaning of the word communication. He was taken on a ride of discovery, with her words. His mind was filled with word pictures. Words; how he loved their sound and the way the passion of one person could lift another, just by words. "The love language of the Fire Element is words of affirmation, or appreciation, words that uplift the individual. Verbal comments or words of appreciation are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straight forward statements of appreciation such as I really love your cooking, or you look fabulous in that dress. Fire people can almost live on words of appreciation. "The object of love is not getting what you want, but doing something to support or increase the well-being of whoever you are in relationship with. "Even during lovemaking, the Fire personality responds to words of appreciation. The most important foreplay for them is words. If their second Elemental type is Water then they will require quality time and words of appreciation as a turn on. If their secondary Element is Earth then physical touch along with words of appreciation will be the best form of foreplay. "The Water Element needs you to spend quality time with them-time when you totally focus on them. Turn off the television. Put down the book. Whatever it is that you are doing, forget it for a few minutes and give them your full attention and you will not believe how much love one person can give. You need to be the ultimate listener. They will respond well to candlelight dinners at home. Sit with them while they share their day and their emotions; for without a good listener they will be trapped inside a bubble of feelings, feelings, which need to flow, like fresh running water. Dam them and they become frustrated, stop the flow and it will kill them emotionally. If it is a Water child they will constantly beg for your attention, not like a Fire child who wants you to tell them how wonderful they are; the Water child wants you to spend time with them, whether it is playing, watching television or reading stories with them. They want to do anything where they will get your full attention. "If you give the Water type words of appreciation, or cook and clean for them, or do material things for them, or give them physical touch they will not feel loved unless you are first and foremost able to give them quality time." The passion, with which the feminine side of Old Chinese spoke, held Conway spellbound. "The Air Element’s love type is acts of service. If you are in relationship with an acts-of-service person they will clean for you, darn your socks, mow the lawn, have dinner waiting for you when you come home; being the social conscience of all the Elements, they are in service to mankind and their loving style is the same. Foreplay for them is painting the spare room and washing the dishes. Do not make the mistake of allowing them to do everything because they appear to like it, or you will develop the martyr who is crying out for you to share some of the load. "The Earth type being sense-indulgent, their love style is physical touch. Not just sex or physical foreplay, although that is also important to them. They are the ones that need to touch and be touched, sometimes they lack a sense of your space, which they will quickly fill, with their own. With this type if you want a loving relationship, you need to touch them and allow them to touch you. A kind word or a gift has little weight without the loving touch of your hand or the brush of a leg. In times of difficulty, they want to be touched, but only if they say so." "In times of stress the Fire Element wants to communicate their difficulty to you. The Water wants you to sit with them. The Air wants you to serve them, while the Earth is warmed by the touch, the senses. "Of course, we are all aspects of the four of these, but generally we have a dominant love type that we respond to positively, more quickly than the others." What is your element of love? What is your friend or partner's element of love? Are you giving them what you want to receive in return?

Spring

Spring - Northern Hemisphere One of my friends asked me to talk about spring as it is coming to the end of that season in the northern hemisphere. Spring is the time when we need to nurture the ideas and possibilities that were brought forward in the Winter. My old Chinese teacher taught me in stories, so let me share with you part of his story about the Emperor and the Sage. "The sage took the Emperor into the Equinox of the Spring, The sun and the moon being equidistant within the heavens, night and day being equal in time. As they walked through the forest of K'an, the Emperor began to see a livingness, a life force, a little more accentuated from the time at the end of Fire, for the water was now leaving the snow, the ground was becoming muddy, was difficult in regards to too much rain. There was a lot of wetness, but within this came beauty, came the flowers, as the buds came forth, the new root, the beauty of the plant, the birds nesting, the animals moving from places of long sleep. Things were coming to life. They were coming to life visually, the outside. You could begin to see the life force. You could begin to see the power within the spring, the beauty of the forest. Warmth lit the air outwardly. It was the beauty of the time. "The Emperor learnt from the sage that it was here that the fertility of nature began to express itself. It was here, as the rains came and the water melted, that there was a tendency for great flooding and the difficulty of the season was too much release too fast. But as the Spring wore on, there began to come forth from the budding the blossom, the fruit began to be on the tree. Birds began their mating and the beauty was there. The sage showed the Emperor that it was the outer experience. Different from the Winter, which was the inner energy; beneath it was the Fire, the power. But within the spring, you could see it outwardly. The outside within Winter looks cold and harsh, but the Spring looks beautiful and flowering and fresh. The inside may not be as strong as the Fire, but the inside, basically, shows what is out, and vice versa. "And they walked through Spring to the Summer, and as they got close to the Summer time, the winds began to come. They began to come faster and reacted upon water, creating tornados, hurricanes, great storms, electricity and thunder and lightning. It began to be the turbulent season, but the season nearing the harvest. The softness was leaving and an energy force of outward brutality, of outward energy that was stark but consistent showed. Within the Spring, The Emperor saw that even with large rains and great melting snow there was beauty, that even as the buds and the flowers would come forth, even in great flooding, they would be moved and they would grow again. It was truly a fertile period, a time to watch, a time to bring forth the creativity of man, a time to understand that you do not want to have too much, or beauty can be washed away; but if you have just enough, it can be accentuated within smell, touch, taste, hearing, as the essence after a spring rain within a forest. "The Emperor began to understand his people a little more - to understand the outward emotions that go along with beauty, to understand the turbulence that some of this beauty had as it approached the summer, the strength that this beauty had as it was near the winter. He turned to the sage as he walked toward the Summer Solstice, and said, `Truly, those people that are in this element have great challenges; for what they are will always be seen. Flowers blossom, trees come forward in beauty.' And the sage said, ‘you have learned the key to this element.' And they walked slowly towards the Summer Solstice." By living in touch with the seasons we create a natural flow in our lives, which makes life as easy as walking from the winter to the spring, then summer and finally autumn. There is a cycle in all things.

Autumn - Time to cut away or release what you no longer need

Autumn It is coming towards the end of Autumn, so I thought it was appropriate to remind everyone what my old Chinese Sage taught me about the season which is the end of the yearly cycle. If you live in harmony with the seasons your life will begin to take on a wonderful flow or rhythm, and your life will become more interesting as you become a part of all things. The teaching of the Elements that I shared in The 33rd Sage, is a teaching that I use every day of my life. It has allowed me to understand the people I meet, not just their personalities, but on a deeper almost spiritual level. Come with me as the Sage and the Emperor take the journey through the seasons. "The Emperor and the sage walked into the Equinox of the fall. And the sage told him it is time for the leaves to fall, for the season to begin to go to sleep. It is the time for all things to come to an end. It is the time, the cycle of all livingness. Not only does this mean that the individual should relax, they should review, but they should maintain their strength, in the time or the time of their passing. It is a time when things are re-fertilised, where they go back to the earth, where the animals stock their homes. It is a time of refurbishing, of rebuilding, of shaking off the old, so the new can come forward within the Winter. It is a time of great growth, for there is always an over-amount of growth when you begin to cut away the deadwood. This always happens. It is vital for all to know that as you walk within the Fall, you begin to see the dying of things. That is why the colours are red and orange and yellow-because they try to bring the life of brilliance in their end. It is the last breath. As things become quiet and the first snow falls and the ice is frozen, the blanket has been laid and things are asleep. It is a time of great rejoicing within, for you have, in essence, completely refurbished your body. You usually find yourself in a place where a lot of old things can fall away. And where new begins to fall into your life, the right way. "The Emperor and the sage walked and they talked, and saw all of these things; the squirrel getting ready for the sleep, the bear, even man, as they were putting together the wood for the Winter, making ready their homes. This was truly a time of getting rid of the old to repair for the new. They walked toward the Winter Solstice, the Emperor seeing more than he had ever seen in his life. He had seen the seasons; had walked within the leaves of the Fall. And the sage said, "You have learned about people. You have learned people are the same as seasons. The person of the Earth is in a lifetime of rebuilding; is in a lifetime of trying to get away, to throw away the physical, the material, and refurbish themselves; you will know such persons for they will be dealing with physical and material lives. Look at them as the Fall, and you will know what to do; they will be creative, they will be highly inventive artists; but within that, they will have a tendency to go through great rejuvenation, great involvement of their life. Know that and you will know your people!’ “The sage walked on with the Emperor."